Sometimes when I look at Landon I almost start to cry. He’s so beautiful. So genuine and perfect that I get this ache in my gut. I can’t tell if it’s pure love or the gravity of the fact that I am NOT qualified to be his mother. He is worth so much, this precious [...]
» Read the rest of this entry ...My heart misses you today, little one.
So many pregnancies,
Going as planned.
Healthy, happy babies,
Being born and growing.
Mine included.
But no number of perfect babies can fix our broken past.
YOU aren’t here.
I wish you had a name.
I long to say it,
To hear it spoken.
I just can’t give you one without knowing…
Boy or girl?
Who are you?
Loved, surely.
But how can [...]
I have a happy baby. It’s not a secret. And while I try to pretend that if he is smiling, BEAMING, at you that it is because you are really special, you could honestly be a ceiling fan and get the same response. He does that to his favorite people, toys, and blank walls. He’s [...]
» Read the rest of this entry ...I am in over my head. I am a money-saving machine, and I am proud of it. But my latest efforts in frugality have left me spinning. My hope is that writing this all out will help me pop up for some much needed air. I am being pulled in a bunch of directions, and [...]
» Read the rest of this entry ...I have been training for Bloomsday for about a month now. It got me moving, and I am so grateful that I can run again! We have had beautiful weather and I am falling in love with my neighborhood, my iPod, and these long legs of mine.
However, as the training gets more intense, I have [...]
I haven’t really documented your life very thoroughly. We don’t have a baby book, I don’t have a blog dedicated to each month of your life, and I didn’t even take a weekly picture of my growing belly while I was pregnant with you. Do I feel a little guilty? Of course. But I trust [...]
» Read the rest of this entry ...It’s 3:42 am. I am doing my best to ignore my crying/whining baby. We are resolved to let him “cry it out” tonight. He’s slept through this feeding several times before, so I know he will survive, but that fact doesn’t really make me feel like a better mom. Ugh. This sucks.
I’m nervous even sharing [...]
I’m in a funk.
Here are some of my reasons:
Too many of my soul-mate friends live far away.
Lots of people died this week, and I knew some.
Relationships are hard work and sometimes you give when you really, really want to take.
My playlists are getting old.
I’m at war with my body.
The only thought I had at 3:00 [...]
There’s nothing like a woman who knows who she is and what she wants.
That’s gonna be me.
Too much of my time is spent reacting to life as it comes at me. Or being bored with the lack of life coming at me. But I’m learning. So when I started to feel lonely, isolated, and stir-crazy [...]
Here comes a rant.
I am SICK of people trying to convince me that my birthing experience was hard, traumatic, awful, excruciating, THE WORST THING EVER.
So, Dear People Who Think They Know: Were you there? Did you hold my hand as I accomplished my dream of bringing my child into the world in a calm, peaceful [...]