Home, But Not Quite
Layne’s out of town for a week, and to avoid mass loneliness and overwhelmed-ness, I came to Montana to stay with my folks for a while. The first revelation was that I had not driven home by myself in a long time (ever?). Landon was with me, but he slept the whole way - THANK you, son - so he didn’t really qualify as a travel buddy. I had a lot of time to sing to myself and think.
The next revelation came as I rounded the corner onto our road. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that I was coming home as a MOTHER. That’s the place I rode my tricycle, and, oh, I’m a MOM. Totally surreal. I feel pretty normal and adjusted at our home in Spokane, but my “home” here seems so different. Like I am experiencing it from a great distance. It is such a beloved place, and it is a bit sad that if feels foreign to me now. On the other hand, I am satisfied that I am adult enough to feel like my “real home” is with my husband and son.
The sociological concept of home really intrigues me. Post-industrialized Western culture has left a lot of people feeling displaced. We scatter our lives over several locales and very few of us maintain lifelong communities. Multi-generational home arrangements are taboo, and people who live with their parents past the age of 18 are labeled as losers. Our Nepali friends think it’s weird that we separate so drastically from our parents and refuse to pool resources in the name of maturity and independence. They have a point. Economically it makes sense to utilize the social capital of families. The presence of grandparents in the home spreads the load of home labor and raising children while giving purpose and dignity to a population that is in many ways abandoned in our society. It is especially difficult to explain/justify putting our elderly in nursing homes. What a way to thank those who changed our diapers and gave us our start in the world.
But I’m all talk.
I still want my own life, in my own house, in my own town. I think… Mom’s cooking combined with the whole “why-don’t-I-hold-the-baby-while-you-nap/shower/breathe” thing is pretty tempting. But we’re not ready to move into the basement quite yet.
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://ruthstoops.com/wp-trackback.php?p=330
Comments
I’m about to try the basement-dwelling (Lord willing) so I’ll tell you how it goes.
Enjoy your family time. And the showers and naps. Whee!
Posted by: Anna | January 22nd, 2010 23:39
I agree, we’ve separated for a cultural label. But I’m with you, having our ‘own space’ sounds a lot better than a basement.
Glad to home with my family again.
Posted by: Layne Stoops | January 25th, 2010 04:49
I can really relate to this because I often think, “Man, why don’t we just live out in the country with all of our extended family. Why are we trying to do this by ourselves when we could help each other a lot better if we were together?”
Makes sense. But I guess “family” is a broad term if you are a part of the church body. Family is close by. Just a different kind of family.
Posted by: Jessica Morgan | January 26th, 2010 23:39