I feel overexposed today. As if the wall between me and all the darkness in the world is paper thin. All the petty condolences I practice feel like sawdust in my mouth. I don’t have a tidy way to wrap up the loose ends of seeing people hurt each other, rape the earth, fool themselves [...]
» Read the rest of this entry ...Lord, I can’t sleep. Did I get too much rest the night before? (Thank you Landon - 9 hour record.) Am I still reeling from watching Grandpa die? Surely viewing a death takes time to process. Is it that I’m stressed about work? Money? Future?
Pretty sure it’s not because of too much sleep.
We come from [...]
Landon LOVES his daddy. Sure, he turns to me for food and comfort. I am comfort food. But Dad? Dad inspires chubby leg kicks and silly grins. Dad is exciting, funny, and strong.
Watching Layne grow into fatherhood has done just what I expected it would: made me crazier about him. He’s patient when I’m frazzled, [...]
» Read the rest of this entry ...Curry.
Sweet Nepali tea.
Piles of shoes, barefeet inside.
Your home is my home.
Today we laughed and cried.
Mothers with missing children,
Our watery eyes see into each others souls.
Yet so much distance between us,
Much more than the bright yellow tablecloth.
I know you.
I think.
How often do I offend you?
Assumptions, so American.
Brassy, loud, uncareful.
This is my culture.
Did you know you have [...]
My heart misses you today, little one.
So many pregnancies,
Going as planned.
Healthy, happy babies,
Being born and growing.
Mine included.
But no number of perfect babies can fix our broken past.
YOU aren’t here.
I wish you had a name.
I long to say it,
To hear it spoken.
I just can’t give you one without knowing…
Boy or girl?
Who are you?
Loved, surely.
But how can [...]
I have been training for Bloomsday for about a month now. It got me moving, and I am so grateful that I can run again! We have had beautiful weather and I am falling in love with my neighborhood, my iPod, and these long legs of mine.
However, as the training gets more intense, I have [...]
I haven’t really documented your life very thoroughly. We don’t have a baby book, I don’t have a blog dedicated to each month of your life, and I didn’t even take a weekly picture of my growing belly while I was pregnant with you. Do I feel a little guilty? Of course. But I trust [...]
» Read the rest of this entry ...It’s 3:42 am. I am doing my best to ignore my crying/whining baby. We are resolved to let him “cry it out” tonight. He’s slept through this feeding several times before, so I know he will survive, but that fact doesn’t really make me feel like a better mom. Ugh. This sucks.
I’m nervous even sharing [...]
I’m in a funk.
Here are some of my reasons:
Too many of my soul-mate friends live far away.
Lots of people died this week, and I knew some.
Relationships are hard work and sometimes you give when you really, really want to take.
My playlists are getting old.
I’m at war with my body.
The only thought I had at 3:00 [...]
Here comes a rant.
I am SICK of people trying to convince me that my birthing experience was hard, traumatic, awful, excruciating, THE WORST THING EVER.
So, Dear People Who Think They Know: Were you there? Did you hold my hand as I accomplished my dream of bringing my child into the world in a calm, peaceful [...]