I can’t stop analyzing. I am writing books in my head. I am having theoretical debates with no one in particular. My brain feels alive. Who knew that motherhood would be a stimulant for my mind, rather than a suppressant?
I am fascinated at the shift of my interests toward all things pregnant and baby. My days are filled with researching the sociology and history of circumcision, diapering, gender roles, pregnancy body image, and birthing. It is thrilling to use my “sociological imagination” regarding things that are so NOT academic to me. People do study these things in big institutions on the highest floor, looking at us pregnant women through their objective, dark glasses - scratching their heads, rolling through the numbers. I may join them someday. And get paid. (Fingers crossed.) But for now, I am immersed in this world. Every inch of my growing body is vibrating with the reality of this process. My subjectivity is undeniable and beautiful. This is my body, my baby, our journey.
Some of my thoughts:
Circumcision. The thing we Americans do to our sons because it was done to their fathers. The more I read, the more I am amazed at the power of the status quo. This expensive, medically unnecessary, highly personal tradition is often performed based on a strong cultural norm, rather than urgent medical need. Our initial thought about this was, “Yeah, if it’s a boy, we will probably circumcise him.” All of the men in our family are circumcised, and they seem fine. Then I started to think about it in terms of this baby. My baby. Imagining him held tightly against a hospital bed, crying, wounded, because of an elective procedure….I needed to look into this - be sure that this is what we want. And I was not satisfied with what I found.
The most common reasons for circumcision that I have heard is protection against penile infection, and protection against identity issues (looking different from Dad, other boys in the locker room, etc.) Penile infection as a result of circumcision is as common as penile infection from not circumcising. So that’s a wash. As far as identity, the percentage of non-circumcised males has gone from 20% to 50% in recent years. Our son will have friends of both varieties: the Hoods and Skins, as my husband and his friends call them. (Good grief…) There still may be identity issues that he encounters, but Layne and I want to raise children who are capable of embracing differences among people with confidence and compassion. They do not “need” to be like everyone else.
I will admit, our decision to not circumcise our son was not an easy one. We both had to struggle through our cultural inertia and wrestle with the fact that we will stand alone on this one in our family circle. Fortunately, both of our families are comprised of thoughtful, trusting, and respectful individuals.
*Important Note* I do NOT subscribe to the theory that male circumcision is an equivalent or even a close relative of female genital mutilation. I DO subscribe to the belief that the human body is created well and that surgery and medical intervention should be set aside for those rare times when it does not perform normally. (This philosophy has largely influenced our decisions regarding birth as well.)
The SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) Dilemma. Many of my thoughts regarding gender roles are highly informed by my undergrad studies and research. They are not unique, but they have been reinforced by my experience as a young married woman, and now young mother.
Modern Feminism has, whether purposefully or not, continued the Industrial Revolution’s work of moving power, social value, and money, outside of the home and into the “work-place”. Men were the first to leave home to work, and women are quickly following suit. Now, I want to be clear that I in NO WAY support the unequal distribution of power and resources among the sexes. I think women ABSOLUTELY should receive equal pay for equal work and that the Feminist Movement was a necessary social adjustment. However, the movement of women towards empowerment has created a new “acceptable” woman. No longer does the woman belong in the home, baking bread, she belongs in a power-suit, working shoulder to shoulder with her male counterparts. The problem? NO one belongs in the home anymore. Men left, women are leaving. Raising children is only “work” if you are getting paid for it, i.e. running a daycare, nannying. Cooking, cleaning, managing the bills, buying groceries, doing the laundry - all of these were stripped of value, power, and honor a long time ago. The difference now is that women are no longer obligated to remain in the domestic world. No one is. But the work still needs to be done! (Women still perform a disproportionate amount of home labor compared to men, even when both are working equal amounts outside the home, but that is a different discussion.)
What I want to know is why can’t domestic work receive equal social value as monetarily compensated work? We have given women the power to choose which sphere to operate in, but our culture has made it appear that we have a choice between two very unequal words. Empowerment, worth, acknowledgement? Or submissive, mindless, dirty work? You choose…
I have spoken with countless women who have decided to stay home while their children are young and have met intense scrutiny and, in many cases, pity. I am starting to recognize this in my own life. ”Oh, you’re not going to grad school yet? Oh, you’re not going to “work”? Oh…” You would think that I burned my diploma, took out a chunk of my brain, flushed it down the toilet, locked up my intellectual potential and threw away the key. Really? Is it such a shameful, detrimental act for a woman to raise her own child? Why is domestic work necessarily less satisfying, stimulating, worthwhile, than other forms of work? I understand that there is a problem if women are not given a choice and are forced to stay home. And that really happened to real people. But isn’t that an issue of force rather than an issue of activity?
The home used to be the source of pride and validation for society. Both men and women were expected to contribute to the running of a household and were, in many cultures and for many years, seen as equal partners. We live in a pluralistic society where we have as many options for our lives as we can think up. But I am saddened to know that the richness of home life has been tarnished by historical sexism to the point that it does not make the cut as a respectable option for a woman.
Too bad, American culture. I’m gonna stick it to you. If you need me, I’ll be in my lovely home, baking bread, changing diapers, thinking sociologically, folding laundry, and loving it.